OOoooooo~~~ Awesome story~~ ** Poor Father~~ Having to be turned into a dragon~~ Even though its not all that bad~~ <3

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"The Madness Never Stops, It Just Changes Directions Alot~~"

"Let The Music Into Your Soul~~"

Oh boy... where to start? Well your grammar is very good but as far as character interaction in this story is concerned you have much to learn. For starters; character interaction isn't all done in one paragraph. Let me show you what I mean with one of the paragraphs from your story here:

Yours:

Father stopped sobbing for a minute, and looked at her. At first, he seemed to extend his hand out to Ame's, but then he bit her arm. Ame cringed in pain, and thwacked Father with her other hand. “YOU IDIOT!” she yelled at him, “I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU!” Father turned his head away. “I don't need your help,” he mumbled, “Just leave me alone.”

My Edit:

Father stopped sobbing for a minute, and looked at her. At first, he seemed to extend his hand out to Ame's, but then he bit her arm.

Ame cringed in pain, and thwacked Father with her other hand. “YOU IDIOT!” she yelled at him, “I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU!”

Father turned his head away. “I don't need your help,” he mumbled, “Just leave me alone.”

When characters interact and exchange dialogue, they get their own paragraph. When one character finishes their dialogue or completes an action, the paragraph stops and a new one begins.

This is not the same as a detail paragraphs in a story; those can go on and on about the details of an environment and what not. However, your biggest folly is the character interaction.

That's all I've got, you did well you just need to improve in this area for now.

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Once again, Spyke, thanks for the input. I know my writing isn't much now, but I'm very willing to learn so I can get better at it.



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